feeling quite depressed/deluded

Feeling a little low.. So reading experiences. I want to share so that if me or anyone else goes through same thing, we can look at what else we can do to help make things better

Lately I’ve been terrible with words, emotions, anything at all. I had been chanting 6hrs and studying semi-earnestly 2hrs a day and some home visits. I really want to shakubuku. And it seems that just when victory is near, my weakest point has hit me to make me vulnerable in many ways.

Anyway.. This is what I’m reading: –

“However, I was then able to understand that obstacles will always face us just at the moment when we are making great progress and that our weakest points are naturally where we are most vulnerable. The negative aspects of our lives will lead us to the deluded belief that reality is only as we perceive it in such moments; small, vile and meaningless. But it is not like that. In those dark moments, when everything seems useless, it is good to remember that these thoughts and perceptions are nothing but illusions of the mind.”

http://www.sgiquarterly.org/people2007Oct-1.html

“Through the encouragement of a fellow member, I decided not to give up and to pursue this goal. The purpose, she reminded me, was to help other people who were suffering.”

” By encouraging others and giving them hope, I began to feel hopeful and energetic myself. The more effort I made for other people’s happiness, the happier I felt.”

http://www.sgiquarterly.org/people2007Oct-2.html

Experience- yesterday I deeply wanted to talk to him. And share my heart. Ii did a gongyo and chanted for him to come (and asked him to come), I was just about to finish gongyo in the car, waiting outside, and he came! And suddenly he started talking about buddhism. :D! He said something about:-
– not begrudging my life
– buddhism
– and I can’t remember others..
And right after gongyo I felt this freshness in my heart 🙂 it was short lived but loved it.

Today I’m just looking for experiences and encouragements in internet and found sgi quarterly full of info on depression, co-incidence? :p

Some excerpts: –

“Throughout history, individuals have found themselves gripped by an overwhelming sense of sadness and pointlessness.”

“Is depression a reflection of the loss of personal identity and purpose in a world too busy to care?”

(I personally feel that world now, is too busy to care, even if someone wants to care then where do we start! From us and from home. But how! by daimoku. Easy to say but hard to do. but must be done .. Arguing with myself here xp)

I feel quite alone. And firmly believe its my karma and don’t think anyone can help :s misguided?

Just chanting daimoku as I sit here in quiet room, and reading things. Bliss. Heart feels a little lighter 🙂 kerching!

:-

– incredible man’s experience.

In the comments while he’s encouraging others he says. ” I begin to pray with an earnest resolve, a vow that I must change myself, to be able to make the right choices, to have great good fortune, wisdom, life-force, courage and patience to change this karma and to proof the power of the Mystic Law.”

“Chanting Nam myoho renge kyo is truly the greatest joy of all, it can change all our sufferings into great mission for kosen rufu, that is happiness for oneself and others…  ”

“The Daishonin teaches on how important it is not to look outside ourself or be influence by it! Don’t try to get power or solution from outside ourself.  Seek the solution to the problem within ourself. We are the problem!…and we are also the solution!…that’s why Wisdom is most important in Buddhist practice.”

So my bf, family, friends, workplace isn’t the problem. Problem is within me and so is the solution! So liberating but my evil friend (mind) tells me how on earth will I do that!

“The Gohonzon has almost no power in the outer realm, but the Gohonzon has a universe of unlimited power to change you and reform your life….Open your life and see your true nature.  Deal with your true nature…..It is characterised by one of the three poisons:  greed, anger or stupidity…..To find out which it is, just ask yourself, “Am I greedy, am I angry, or am I stupid?”  It’s one of those three! ”

Loove it!

“we should not be swayed every time such phenomena arise; for it is already certain that we will become happy in the end. ”

“Those things we seem to have no control over are called Karma. The conclusion we reach is that, when we live in accordance with the great inscrutable Law of Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, we can harmonize everything and change the sufferings or poison of any bad karma into joy or good medicine.”

http://chantforabetterlife.wordpress.com/2011/02/12/the-great-treasure-that-can-change-an-unchangeable-destiny/

So I just realised. I realised it before but this time it makes more sense. Gohonzon is my mirror! So it illuminates clearly my strengths as well as weakness and things that makes me vulnerable and points out as if telling me these are the things I must overcome/change! This phase is totally that. I’m realising many things that makes me vulnerable and weak. But what next? To be happy: –

– I must change
– be so strong that nothing can shatter me
– be capable to single mindedly achieve kosen rufu
– I must strengthen my faith and grasp the true essence of my buddhist practice. For e.g. Only strategy of lotus sutra does it. What does that mean?!

How I wish even in depth of this black hole and clumsiness that I could share teachings of nichiren buddhism to a group of friends, circled around me and heeding to what I say! In a good way.

That’s all for now. Gona do gongyo 🙂

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