One of the sharpest growing pains that most human beings have to experience is the process of finding an ideal soul mate. Quite a few have found it so heart-breaking and physically exhaustingthat they try anything they can think of to overcome such pain.inspite of their repeated attempts,they can do nothing to prevent it lingering throughout their lives.How can one meet the right person at the right time and mutally fall in love and cherish each other? Not really knowing how to deal with all the complicated factors, criteria, and variables of findingthe good match for two unique people, even through endless frustration and torment, and strugglingthrough countless trials & errors, leaves most people still at a loss.To successfully find an ideal soul mate appears to be a goal that is so arduous and hard to reach itseems that the lucky people are only few out of hundreds of thousands. But however scarce thechance, it is relatively bountiful compared to the probability of encountering and embracing theLotus Sutra. Let’s listen to what Nichiren Daishonin says abt this scarce possibility:‘Thus, encountering this sutra is as rare as the blossoming of the udumbara flower, which occurs butonce in three thousand years, or the one eyed turtle finding a floating piece of sandalwood, whichhappens only once in innumerable, boundless kalpas.’ __The Daimoku of the Lotus Sutra, WND p. 143Lo and behold! We as practioners of Nicherin Buddhism who chant Nam Myoho Renge kyo, havealready hit this ultimate jackpot.!! Nichiren Daishonin thus continues:“The eighth volume of the Lotus Sutra of the wonderful Law states that one who accepts andupholds the mere name of the Lotus Sutra will enjoy immeasurable good fortune”There is no question that being practioners of the Lotus Sutra, we inherit within our lives theimmeasurable , all-encompassing good fortune. As long as we make the proper causes we will be
able to manifest all the fortune and enjoy it. Thus, if we apply the stategy of the Lotus Sutra intoscrupulously polishing our lives, we are preparing ourselves to claim the fortune that’s due to us.Among all those kinds of fortune of finding our ideal soul mate, despite the slim chances.In the same letter , Nichiren Daishonin also points out :‘When the Lotus Sutra was preached and the moon of the theoretical teaching came forth, first the bodhisattvas with their two good eyes gained enlightenment, and then the cross-eyed people of thetwo vehicles. Next the blind eyes of ordinary people were openedThus, with our eyes opened, the door of Buddha wisdom, the wisdom that is inherent in human lifewas also opened. In this case, what relationship dilemma is there that we cant find a solution for,and what maze-like love affair is there that we cant see the shortest way out of?Buddhism teaches that all problems and their solutions come from within our own lives.Therefore. If we have been experiencing difficulties in finding the ideal soul mate , we know thatwe ourselves are the ultimate sources for the answers on how to succeed in this goal.The first thing we can do for our lives is to sculpt ourselves.Our minimum goal is to make ourselves become lovable. The ultimate goal is to polish our lives sothat we attract ideal candidates like magnets, for all kinds of premium prospects to entrust us withtheir hearts.To reach those goals, before anything else, it is recommended that we launch a daimoku campaignto elevate our life state and let wisdom emerge. According to the principle of oneness of life and itsenvironment, unless we lift ourselves from the level where we are at now, we will always be caughtup in the same old troublesome environment and disturbing occurances, which reflect our life state perfectly.A snake mates with a snake while a human being marries another human being. A person whose basic life condition is in the World of Tranquility would not normally seek a close relationship witha person whose life state is constantly in the World of Animality or Hunger.Regarding our ideal soul mate, we all have terms & conditions in mind. If we are humble &conservative, we would at least pursue people with a similar quality level as ourselves. Most of ustend to wish for someone who is or potentially will be loftier than us in character, ability,achievement or finance. As human beings , it is natural that we adore, cherish and admire peoplewith higher qualities.If we want to pursue someone of better traits as our life long companion, the surest way is todevelop ourselves so that we live up to the same or higher critieria than that which we expect fromour soul mate. Thus we wont be going after someone, stretching ourselves in vain trying to catchthe unreachable. In other words, we had better fix & upgrade our whole being so that we deservethe love of our ideal soulmate. To reach this goal, human revolution is the 1st key.Are we happy and healthy mentally and physically? Are we positive, confident, active and diligent?What is our strength and what have we achieved in life that deserves others respect, admiration andembracement? Are we putting forth enough effort to bring out our potential in order to advance?Are we changing our shortcomings into good virtues with which we can adorn our lives to make
them shine even brighter? Are we the kind of delightful and amiable people that even we ourselveswould appreciate and long to be with?In his writing ‘Letter to the Brothers” Nichiren Daishonin gives a very vivid explanation of theclose relationship between husband and wife:“When a husband is happy, his wife will be fulfilled. If a husband is a thief, his wife will becomeone too. This is not a matter of this life alone. A husband and wife are as close as a form andshadow, flowers and fruit, or roots and leaves, in every existence of life, insects eat the trees theylive in, and fish drink the water in which they swim. If grasses wither, orchids grieve, if pine treesflourish, cypresses rejoice.;WND p.501In other words, two people stay together, share their lives or experience their combined karmatogether but they don’t just get together randomly. They are together based on reasons. Those whohave good karma can only share their fortune with people who have the same fortune to enjoy it.Those who have deep karma will only be together with someone whose destiny at least part of it,will be equally dark and heavy. A loving and caring man wont qualify to play the role of a husbandin the life of a woman whose karma is to marry a very abusive man. Instead, he belongs to a womanwho has the good karma of enjoying the sweet love of her man.Therefore, if we are wise enough, before setting out in search of Mr. Right or Mrs. Right, we willeradicate bad karma, and create good karma first. In this way, we become persons of better fortune.It will save us from struggling through much unwanted and avoidable suffering.A Young Women’s Division member, capable and beautiful, had to suffer repeatedly from her vicious karma relationship. Her karma had been played out continuously for a few years by severalyoung men of a similar type, as if the were in a relay race. Each time the relationship started, shewas so attracted to one of them and would quickly surrender her heart & body, thus becoming asubordinate to the man. She had offered herself as cheap game for those men to capture easily. As aresult, they did not cherish her but, one after another, dumped her when the fresh excitement faded.Obviously, none of them was the man that she was supposed to share her life with and her karmawould trap her anyway at the time when she had no wisdom to distinguish good from bad. Shecould realize the problem of her karma until she strove to quadriple her daimoku and kosen rufuactivities for a while.She then persistently strengthened her faith, practice and study with the goal of eradicating her karma relationship. She also worked staunchly on her human revolution. In her case, she had to painstakingly force herself not to quickly jump into a new relationship before it was clear that shehad transformed her life.She has now found her ideal soulmate, an entirely different type of person to whom she would havenoticed before. Now she can genuinely treat him very sweetly to her hearts content because he givesher in return, even more love & care. However, this only transpired when she had elevated her lifestate and changed her perspective towards men and could thereby recognize and choose this luckyman who suits her so perfectly.Three-years diligent practice, amidst tears and heart breaking experiences, was indeed touch toovercome in her quest to eradicate her bad karma relationship but it was well worth all the effort. If
she had never made that effort, she would still be stumbling and struggling with the same karma, probably for the rest of her life,The second answer that our lives can contribute is to choose wisely.We don’t want to risk our happiness by grabbing someone just because that person is available tous. If we do, we can expect the endless struggle that’s going to befall us. Feeling desperately lonely,fearing that there is no chance of finding a better partner or thinking we don’t deserve a good oneare no reasons to perfunctorily settle for less. Its better to leave one’s heart yearning for love than tofill the aching void without discretion.Again, we would be much better off if we turned the energy of desperation, fear and struggle intothe fuel to forge our development first. Once we have cultivated more commendable quality,naturally we qualify to have more options to choose from. Thus, we can hold our heads high andchoose wisely.Let’s look at what a harmonious seamless relationship is like in Nicherin’s Daishonin’s eyes:-THE HIYOKI IS A BIRD WITH ONE BODY AND TWO HEADS. BOTH OF ITS MOUTHS NOURISH THE SAME BODY. HIMOKU ARE FISH WITH ONLY ONE EYE EACH, SO THEMALE AND FEMALE REMAIN TOGETHER FOR LIFE. A HUSBAND AND WIFE SHOULDBE LIKE THEM.Letter to the Brothers, WND p 502The ideal relationship should be reciprocally nourishing. It is very important that with our partner we inspire and ecourage, respect and cherish, motivate and invigorate each other. We share dreams& hopes, embrace each others beliefs and character, shed tears together over adversities, and work as two in body but one in mind on mutual goals. Be sure that both sides are mature, sincere ,independent, genuine, positive, caring and willing to improve & grow.We don’t wish to be involved with someone whose energy is inherently destructive and negative&will hinder our happiness. If our prospective partner tends to dominate or overpower us.Unreasonably and if we are not sure of our ability to joyously accommodate such a strong personality, lets employ our wisdom and judgment and stay away from them. We have to be on our guard instead and not blindly jump into predictably doomed and painful relationship.The third answer from our lives with which to solve our relationship problem is to renew the imageof our soulmate.Indeed, superficially speaking, it is hard to find someone whose strengths and weaknesses fit us perfectly. But, it is up to us how we think and work to compliment each other and create value fromour partner’s seemingly negative traits in our eyes.When the ideals and desires of the two sides are unbalanced or confrontational before we treat it, asa doomed relationship and helplessly plunge into the commitment or before we rush to abandon therelationship, there’s something we can try. In fact, activating our wisdom awakens us to the untrue portrait we have painted of our partner. We can also employ the teachings of Nicherin Buddhism togain a truthful, vivid and positive image of the same person.
There are different angles from which we can review our opinion about our partner and find ways toamend and adjust the differences between both sides.Are the fundamental problems in our relationship definitely unbearable in the long term? Are theyfixed without the possibility of improvement or change? Are they solely our partners fault? Or arethey the result of our own deceived mind due to the function of the three poisons of greed, anger &foolishness? Most importantly of all, do we have the wisdom to see the reality of the relationship asthe manifestation of our own karma, & do we thus want to take total responsibility? What can wedo to help our partner and to turn around our relationship?Ever wonder why the same deserted man or woman can become the sweetheart of another person?One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure. That is to say the value of everything changes,depending on its relationship with the environment and depending on how we look at it. Does thatmean tht we can reformat the pattern of our relationship without changing partners? Yes!!Here come the tough questions to ponder and the real task to follow through on: Can we allow our partners the room to live their lives instead of enveloping them in the narrow fashion of our frameof mind? Are we willing to employ the kind of wisdom, compassion and strength, our Buddha Nature, and to resolve to process the poisons into medicines? Will we set out on this new avenue,whatever it takes, with only a positive attitude, and create nothing but good causes for therelationship? Do we want to exert our wisdom and compassion to understand where our partners arecoming from and practice this Buddhism on their behalf to help them change their karma and erasetrauma?The fourth answer to helping ourselves in our relationships is to reflect upon what we want and bewell prepared for it. In other words, ask for what we want as well as doing what we have to do todeserve it.The following is an example of the criteria that a Young Women’s Division member set for her idealsoulmate: ( this is just an example, as people’s wants & needs vary. This is used as a reference , youcan make your own list of yr requirements and chant towards it)The purposes of this goal are :1. To show the validity of Nichiren Buddhism2. To set a great example and to show others how to build a successful relationship.3. To enhance my ability and set a perfect foundation for my kosen rufu mission.Therefore, this is a project for kosen rufu, not a goal merely for personal happiness. All the goals Ihave set in the past to help advance the kosen rufu movement through my faith, determination andaction have been fulfilled successfully. This goal is no exception.About him:· He is a man between 32 to 42 years old.· He is available, single, divorced or a widower, waiting for me to find him, at the same time, tryingto find me while actively preparing himself to make me the happiest and luckiest wife on earth.· He doesn’t have children· He is handsome and tall.· He is and will continue to be physically and mentally fit and morally straight.· He is sweet, friendly, caring, gentle, cheerful, educated open-minded, mature and sociable.· He is courageous, honest, upright, reliable and humble
· He is positive, confident,scrupulous, dedicated, active, diligent and disciplined· He walks his walk and talks his talk, namely, he does what he says and says what he does.· He displays, on a maximum scale, the characteristics of his Buddha nature—wisdom, strong lifeforce, compassion and absolute happiness in his daily life.· He is happy to contribute to society.· He has very good friends who bring him only good influence and assistance to benefit his life.· He is capable and experienced in his field. He has a great and stable job that is recession-proof andrisk free and has unlimited potential for greater advancement and promotion.· He is devoted to work hard and has the ability to work harder if necessary.· He has a house & car that have been paid off · He will constantly appreciate and praise all my existing virtues and strengths from the bottom of his heart. He will nurture me for my life to bloom even more brilliantly by helping me eradicate myshortcomings and cultivate more good virtues.· He is willing and determined to have a serious relationship to build an eternally happy family withme and me only.About me:· I am a woman, 30 years old· I am available· I don’t have children· I am sweet, friendly, caring, reliable, scrupulous ,dedicated., courageous, diligent and capable.· I am learning from my past experiences and making this one last relationship a timeless greatexample for everyone.· I am working on doing my human revolution. I have the penetrating determination to exert all mygood virtues and erase my shortcomings so that I also live up to the same criteria I set for him andrequire from him.· I am firmly resolved that through this Buddhist practice I will improve myself everyday.· In order to contribute to the creation of my ideal soulmate and to make this person a reality, I am practicing this Buddhism on his behalf. I am chanting to communicate with his Buddha nature.Since life is eternal, he already exists somewhere, I am sending him abundant daimoku to addfortune to his life. I am praying for the goals I set for him even before I meet him, to help himaccelerate the process of meeting my ideal criteria. I am actively contributing to his life this way sothat I deserve to share his fortune when I meet and marry him.· I will exercise my wisdom to know what criteria my ideal soul mate would love to see on me and polish myself to meet the criteria.· I have very good friends. We encourage, inspire and help each other.· I am physically and mentally fit and morally straight and will continue to be this way for the restof my life.· I have a job and I am willing to learn, and work harder to develop myself.· I have a house and a car, all being paid off.· I have a compassionate heart and I am contributing actively to help others to become happy.· I am commited to having a successful lifetime relationship and build a sweet and happy familywith him.· I will make him the luckiest and happiest husband on earth. He will love me unconditionally and be forever very proud of me.Together we will achieve:· He will appear in my environment. We will recognize each other and fall in love in 2007.· We will be committed as husband and wife who love each other, and each other only, for the rest
of our lives.· We will be a role model couple and build an exemplary family to show others how to enjoy happyand healthy family life too.· We will support each other on each other’s personal dreams and on our family goals.· We will construct together a safe and sound emotional, social and financial life.· We will have wonderful , capable , successful and healthy children.· Eventually we will strive together for the prosperity of the worldwide kosen rufu movement.· We will have great friends that will always act as our shoten zenjins. (The Buddhist Gods that protect and help us).· We will be very happy and excited to enjoy each other more every day.· We will enjoy going out together for holidays, dinners, concerts, SGI activites, etc· We will always be best friends, confidants & lovers. We read each others minds, share each other’s pain and joy.· We will be very playful with each other, enjoying life with ever-springing humur, zest and spice.· I am the center, the focus, the meaning and the achievement of his life and vice versa.· I understand he might not be perfect as I am not perfect either. But we will respect, embrace andcherish each other wholeheartedly, once we have determined to become lifetime partners. We will both nurture our relationship with wisdom and compassion. We are essential to each other’s lives.· We communicate with each other face-to-face and heart-to heart. We will help each other enrichand polish our lives even more. Through our mutual efforts, we will fit each other perfectly in allaspects.· We will overcome together any kind of struggle and challenge.· He will appreciate, support and cherish all my value creating contribution through the SGIactivites.· He himself will contribute voluntarily and actively to support my Buddhist practice, my SGIactivities and the SGI organization.· I will continue to practice this Buddhism on his behalf, whether he practices or not, for his personal goals and for our loving and happy family.· He will have the greatest compassionate heart and the ability to be there for my family.· We will always share & split, with great joy, all the responsibilities in our family including housekeeping.· We will have a very nice house with a large altar and a big Gohonzon room to hold SGI meetings.· We will live in a place where we can bring out the maximum value for the advancement of thekosen rufu movement.· Our lives together could not be better. Yet, amazingly, it will get better and better everyday.With the goal being sincerely chanted for and well thought of, her next step is to:Chant the amount of daimoku that she has decided to chant everyday:1. For this goal to come true.2. To sculpt the person vividly based on her criteria.3. To communicate with the person’s Buddhahood through her daily daimoku about her goal, her efforts & her offer.4. For the goals that she sets for him on his behalf.She has to be utterly confident in herself and in the goal, have absolute faith in Gohonzon, and feeltremendous excitement about the value of this goal in terms of its mission to help others. Of courseshe has to painstakingly work on her human revolution and aggressively develop herself. Bringinghappiness to countless people who are struggling amidst all kinds of relationship problems is as
urgent as a life & death matter. With such a sense of urgency, she will take all necessary actions toaccelerate this process and derive the best possible result.Her attitude towards and priority of carrying out this goal speaks for the importance of it. Asdaimoku is the fuel which benefits all aspects of her life, and as she needs time to build up her daimoku, she would have to strive to chant as much as possible.Along the way of pursuing her goal, her wisdom and life condition will be elevated. As a result, her perspective and criteria of the man she dreams of might change. Her ability and compassion toembrace the man’s deficiencies might be enhanced. However, one thing is for sure. She will find aman who suits her best in every aspect according to her newly developed life state at that particular time.People’s wants, needs and focuses vary. Her criteria might not meet with the requirements of manyothers. Therefore, this example is only for your reference. No matter what we want, as long as wemake the cause, we will receive the corresponding effect.